The Creator of All that is Being Gone Through?

From when our friendship begun, he gives no clue, and even I know not whence this beginningless started its voyage. But, I am curious to know how all this began, because I have already started to look for cessation. When all I have is that friendship alone as a support, I wonder if this search is meaningful. However, though it looks crazy, I have chosen the pursuit to unshackle the chain of this friendship. When bed, the mother calls me at night, I soon disappear to nowhere—with no clue where I had been, and for how long! It feels like I have gone to the rest into the lap of my mother, giving up the indulgence that my friends make me do, at least for a while. But soon, they wake me out from that blissful sleep, and once again under the persuasion of habit, ego turns to repeat its naughtiness. I know that they are playing with me and all they had given is but the betrayal. Though it is clear that these doors of senses take me nowhere but  to the world of pain and anguish, still I—the ego, could not give up this playful playground which is overly laden with the thorns but in disguise. It is clear if I still wish to find my way out of this infinite labyrinth, all I have do is unshackle the chain of this beginingless friendship. But how— in the lack of the method, again I stand clueless. In this despondency of not finding the rest where I am to seek the refuge? Where I am to look for support? I know not. 

But still I carry on my search.

I went to the Buddha and all I see is he sitting in the lotus posture. I went to him again another time and another of that another, and still he seems not to do anything except sitting in the lotus posture. Out of the surprise a gust of sound then found its way out of my mouth, inquiring, “O Buddha, While I am losing all that in an endless movement, how is that you manage to remain motionless?” And you know what happened after that— yes; the teacher of the doctrine of Buddha Dharma remained silent. What is this that he is always endowed with? How to reach that empty silence? I stand clueless drowned in the waves of gossiping thoughts.  But wait, wait a little. Yeah, what is this, and who is this who is making all these enquiries? Is this the self that Buddha refuted? Is this the I —the seeker (the one who lusts after)? Is this the one who speaks all that is? Is this the creator of all that is been gone through? Who is this? 

Who is I? Who am I? Enquiry runs throughout………..


~ Sujeet from Nepal